Transcripts/EMBARRASSING PHASES: The Nightmare Instead of Christmas!
Thomas: ♪ There are few who'd deny, at dropping lines I am the best, for my talents are denounced far and... ♪ ...line? Joan: Wide. Thomas: Wide! That's it. We'll get it, one more time. *sanders sides logo* Thomas: ♪ What is up, everybody! Doodoodoodoodooo~' ♪ (to the tune of Jingle Bells) Thomas: Well! It is that time of year again, the trees got no leaves! And like a refrigerated apple, the air is crisp, and cool... Except for here, in Florida. But- yeah, I'm sure that it's... nice in other places... I'm not jealous... I'm chill! Except I'm not... FLORIDA! Frightful weather or not, those sleigh bells are still jingling, our hearts are still ring-ting-tingling, AND it is time to set our sights on that perennial favorite: Christmas! Virgil: NO! Thomas: No? You're a mean one... Virgil: We did a Christmas episode last year, Thomas! Thomas: I mean, yeah, Virgil. Christmas is kind of a yearly thing. Virgil: *Sigh* It sure is, but you know what we still haven't done? Thomas: *gasps* Oh my gosh! Easter? Virgil: What? No! Thomas: St. Patty's Day? Virgil: No! Thomas: Aunt Patty's Day? Virgil: No. Thomas: New Year's Day? Virgil: By the time we're on the same page, maybe. Thomas: Halloween? Virgil: Yes... yes, yes! Thomas: Halloween? Halloween. Halloween! Virgil: Halloween. Thomas: I mean, I don't care. I just- I like holidays, so I- What are you... Virgil: -quietly laughs like a vampire- Thomas: What are you doing? What are you doing over there? Virgil: Shh, Thomas! I'm waiting for the others to show up so I can scare them right out of their pants... Thomas: Umm... Virgil: Affectionately! And then I'm going to, affectionately, scare them so freaking bad, they'll wet those same pants after they put them back ON! HAHAHAHAHA, HAHA! Thomas: Wow, Virgil, that's... that's pretty evil. Virgil: Tis the season! Thomas: -chuckles- But it's not. Virgil: Look, just don't mind me, okay. Just like... keep doing your thing. Thomas: Well, alright! This is great because it means I get to sport my best costume yet, your spoopy neighbourhood Spider-Man! Pretty great, right? My mommy got it for me. Roman: Did someone say mummy? Logan: No, so you can go back down. Thomas: Hey guys! Wow, clearly I have a strong attachment to this holiday. You guys look awesome! Roman: Thank you, Thomas! I put a lot of thought into my costume. Thomas: How'd you settle on being a mummy? Roman: What a better costume for me than zombie royalty? Thomas: Fair enough. And Logan! Frankenstein's monster? Not Dr. Frankenstein? Logan: I was going to be Dr. Frankenstein, but Roman said, and I quote, -sighs- "That dude sounds like a Grade D dork. You should be the scary monster instead. You know, the real Frankenstein." Roman: You wrote all that down? Logan: Oh, I try to jot down anything that is said to me that is unprecedentedly stupid. It is important to... keep receipts. Thomas: Lots of people don't know that the monster's name isn't Frankenstein, Logan. Stop putting people down. Stop it. Stop. Anyway, where's Patton? Patton: I'm here, Thomas. I dressed as a ghost. Thomas: Oh wow, amazing! Patton: Just kidding! I hadn't popped up yet. Thomas: Ah! Okay... Well, I feel like a fool. Patton: Sorry I'm late, everyone. Thomas here still hasn't picked out a candy bowl for next year's trick-or-treaters, the little procrastinator! And I can't decide if he should get an orange bowl with black bats, or a black bowl with orange bats! Logan: Patton, what are you- Patton: Or orange pumpkins! That makes more sense. That's the one, Thomas. Logan: Patton, what is this? Have you forgotten the discussion we had concerning our coordinated costume choices? Thomas: Wait, coordinated costumes? Roman: You were supposed to be the Wolf-man, Patton! Not some measly mutt. Patton: I am the Woof Man! I have the floppy ears! I've got this cute little tag with my name on it. Logan: That does not say your name on it. Roman: That's Scooby Doo's tag. Patton: Oh, must have gotten my name tag mixed up with someone else's. Roman: -sighs- Well, someone's Scooby costume is ruined. Logan: Sorry, Patton, did you say 'woof man'? Patton: Uh, yeah. Woof Man. Logan: It was Wolf-man. Patton: Yeah! Woof Man! Logan: Wolfman. Patton: Woof Man! Roman: Wolf-man. Patton: Woof Man. Thomas: Wolf-man. Patton: Are you guys- are you guys messing with me? Roman: Patton, we all agreed that we were going to wear scary costumes. Do not spoil this belated "Hallowed-ween" for me! Thomas: Wait, scary costumes? I... don't think I got the memo on that one. Roman: I literally don't know how. We discussed it in your head. Patton: Well, Spider-Man is sort of scary. He wears a mask, so no one knows who he is- Logan: Peter Parker. Patton: He's always fighting crime at night. Fighting is scary. Nighttime is scary. The spider on the middle of your chest is scary. Spider-Man's scary! You're scary! Go away, Spider-Man! Thomas: It's okay, it's okay, Patton! It's just me. It's just me. Patton: Thomas... you're Spider-Man? Roman: Calm yourself, JJ. Spider-Man's not scary. He's a hero! Scary is more like, uhhh... Virgil: Like THIS!?!? -growls- Roman: No, not like that. Um... Virgil: Are you kidding me? I spent all day working on this. Be afraid. Be very afraid! Thomas: Oh, sorry bud. I just don't think that we find you as scary anymore. Virgil: What?! Thomas: Oh, but that's good! You're part of the group now! You work with us instead of... against us? Let me rephrase that, okay? Um... Logan: Wh- You're not frightening them anymore? Why not? Roman: Frightening us. You're not including yourself, why? Logan: I am fearless... and therefore powerful. Thomas: I've seen you scared. Logan: (changing the topic) Uh- Virgil, why aren't you doing your job? Virgil: Uh, I'm obviously trying. Logan: And actively failing. Have you forgotten about the graph that I illustrated of the- Virgil/Thomas/Patton/Roman: Yerkes-Dodson curve. Roman: Yeah, mhm. Logan: Oh, good. You remembered something that I taught you for once. Then surely you remember the optimum point of tension, signifying that it's not good to experience none of anxiety's effects. Patton: I don't know about none of its effects. Virgil is still very scary. You just gotta give him a chance. Virgil, do that, you know, do that thing with your face. Virgil: Oh, okay. -roars- Patton: Aaaahh! Uh oh, uh oh. You scared the pants right off of me. Uh... -chuckles- Virgil: Oh my gosh! You guys don't think I'm scary. Patton: Wh- Virgil: Put your pants back on! Don't patronize me. Patton: You mean "pant-ronize"? Virgil: Whatever! Patton: That... just slipped out. Thomas: I mean, we- we spent an entire two-part episode discussing how you weren't a malicious entity. We bonded and stuff! W- We understand now. Virgil: Understand what? Thomas: Your being scary was really mainly a thing when you were isolating yourself, before you knew a better way to help me. Now that we've broken down that wall, you don't have to, you know, keep up the act. Virgil: Act? Thomas: Well, you know, not an act, but a phase. Virgil: A phase? Patton: Well, sure. Everyone goes through phases. They're embarrassing, but we get over them. We're all just happy you're embracing who you truly are now, so we can be pals. Virgil: Listen. We may be friends, but that doesn't mean I can't scare you anymore. I'm your anxiety. That is what I do. Logan: Well, not anymore, apparently. How hard is it to distress someone? I mean, just watch. Thomas, given human beings' limited years, there's a cap on how many things you'll be able to make in your lifetime, meaning... you probably don't have the time to create everything that you want. Thomas: Oh my gosh! Roman: Why would you say that? Virgil: Oh, jeez, dude. Logan: See? All it took was a little logic. Thomas: But is it so wrong that Virgil's doing something a little different now? W- Why can't that phase be over? Y- Patton's with me. Patton: The dog days are over. Thomas: Take it from me, Virgil. As someone who's gone through a few phases myself, phases are like... Halloween costumes. A time comes when you wear one around but, eventually, it's time to take the costume off. The phases I've gone through are in the past. And I feel like I can finally be my real self now. Virgil: Huh! Interesting perspective, Thomas. *lights go off* Logan: -screams in a robotic voice- Roman: -screams loudly in a high-pitched scream- Sorry, everyone. I hate the dark. Patton: Somebody, light a match. Not because I farted. Virgil: You know, I'm glad you brought up those phases you went through. Let's talk about those. Thomas: Oh! & Patton: -scream- Patton: (continues screaming long after the others stop) -chuckles- *sees something* -screams again- Roman: Oh... my... Logan: What have you done? Virgil: Anyone remember Thomas' ...COSPLAY PHASE?? Thomas: Oof! Yeah, no. I was- I was not good at costume construction. Logan: So, you changed my costume as an example? Th- that's rude. Thomas: I was so into that scene! Made so many different costumes, went to all the local cons... Thomas: But my costumes always... fell short... compared to everyone else. Roman: Oh, that absolutely defeated me! I couldn't cope with the fact that we weren't on the same level as all the other incredible cosplayers at the cons you attended. Patton: Aww! That was big of you to admit, Roman. Virgil: Too bad your 'big admission' is dwarfed by your... gargantuan failures. Patton: Yikes! Tha- Those were ugly words there, kiddo. Virgil: Not as ugly as Thomas' cosplays. Roman: Better-looking than your face! Virgil: We have the same-! -sighs-Never mind! Just let it go, Virgil. Logan: You know, extending beyond this... Penny Dreadful theatricality- Patton: Penny /Dreadful/ theatricality! I see what you did there. Logan: Pun not intended! There is something interesting to be said about all this talk of phases. Thomas: Yeah? Logan: Yes, I can't help but be reminded of Erik Erikson's- Patton: What a name! Logan: -theory of psycho-social development! Patton: What a name! Logan: Particularly the fourth psycho-social crisis, entitled "Industry versus Inferiority". Roman: Catchy. Logan: During this phase, one aims to gain a sense of competence when developing skills. If unsuccessful, one could develop feelings of inferiority. However, a mixture of failures and successes could lead to a more agreeable balance of competency and modesty. Roman: Oh my gosh, he's so right! I'm so modest. Thomas: So, cosplay is something that made me feel inferior. Logan: Potentially, but remember, you were also trying your hand at other trades during that phase. Singing, film making, etc., with which you felt more successful, and your proficiency at said skills provided a necessary counter to your more... embarrassing efforts. Thomas: Well, maybe I was wrong to be embarrassed by my cosplay. Well, not wrong! But yeah, I had fun. I did it because I was passionate about the characters. Going to conventions gave me a chance to meet people that liked the same geeky stuff as me. So, what if I didn't have the means to create a film quality costume? Roman: I shouldn't have given up so easily! Patton: Oh, but you can always get back into it! Virgil: Would you really want to revisit that? You should just let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. Patton: Easy there, Kylo-Friend. Roman: Oh my gosh, a nice nickname? I hadn't thought of that. Patton: You shouldn't give up on things just because they're hard, or if you're not good at them right away. Thomas: You know, you're right! And- I feel like I've also probably improved since then, with all the costuming for videos. That time in my life might have been an essential steppingstone in order to get to where I am today. Virgil: Steppingstone? More like throwing stone! -hisses- *impact sound* Thomas: Ow! Virgil: Oh, sorry! Thomas: What, why? Virgil: I did not mean to actually hit you - that was just supposed to scare you. Thomas: Gosh! Virgil: But I bet now you're going through another phase... of pain! Sorry again, though. Logan: You know, Virgil, this isn't... so scary. You just... diminished my costume quality, that's all. Virgil: Careful! Or it'll be Thomas' girl phase next. Logan: Ugh, you mean when he feigned an attraction towards women? Thomas: You mean the first 23 years of my life? Roman: -laughs- Logan: That's right. Roman: You were so repressed! Thomas: It was very hard for me. Patton: Oh, I bet Virgil has a ton more to scare us with! How about me next, you bat-winged cherub? Ah, I mean, you... bad... boy? Virgil: -sighs- All right. *snaps fingers* Roman: Hot DOG! Patton: Oh, no... Not the- Virgil: Yes, Patton... the EMO PHASE!! Patton: But this was maybe the scariest phase in all of Thomas' life! Thomas: Well...scary is a little harsh... Patton: No, Thomas, you were such an angsty teenager. And you know how teenagers scare the living poop out of me. Roman: Oh, Patton, you don't have to make emo song references... "But It's Better If You Do". Logan: I agree with Patton, this is a HORRIFYING period to revisit! Through all of the relentless waves of hormones and emotions... no one could understand me. Thomas: Yeah, I was really going through some stuff when I was younger. There was a LOT to get a handle on. Logan: Well, that's what you get when you let your heart win. Roman: ''Whoa... '' Patton: Oh yeah, Paramore! Roman: *over-the-top riffing* Virgil: Okay, you can stop. Roman: --Making the song a hundred times better? Maybe. I can try. Thomas: Oh, the ill-fitting hairdos I wore... and all the bracelets, too. How did I wear so many bracelets? Who let me do that? Virgil: Being old enough to comprehend depressing realities, but still too young to wrap your head around why things are the way they are, resulted in you becoming... a little try-hard. You only made things worse for yourself by dressing in a way that was so wannabe edgy... You were just... making it way too easy to insult you. Roman: Hypocrite say what? Virgil: What? Roman: Ohhh my gosh, I can't believe it worked. Virgil: Shut up! Also, what were you thinking going to events like Warped Tour? You hate crowds! Logan: Hmm, now I don't want to overload anyone with information... Roman: Since when? Logan: --BUT this also sounds like one of Erikson's stages of psychosocial development: "Identity versus Role Confusion". Patton: Hmm. Logan: This stage describes one's search for personal identity and a sense of self - trying to figure out who you are. It's a time for exploring and seeking a figurative place where one "belongs" in society. If one doesn't have an easy time during this stage, they could experience an identity crisis and... experiment with different lifestyles. Virgil: An identity crisis that clearly hasn't ended. I mean, what am I, other than a highly condensed ball of angst whose style is a relic from that time in your life? Patton: -gasps- Oh my gosh, yeah! And now we're basically style twins!! Ohh, look out, everyone, just a couple of cool guys coming through! Virgil: Okay, Patton. Patton: Um... sorry. Thomas: Well, I mean... maybe that angst is still with me to some extent, but... you work with us now. You're not... in the driver's seat anymore, you... have a seat at the discussion table. I was absolutely frightened out of my mind back then, but... only because I was... trying to understand difficult feelings for the first time. Patton: Hooo, glad that's over with! Roman: Patton, what do you think we're doing every time we meet up? Patton: Catching up? Thomas: And then I found a... a healthy way to express myself. Logan: Screaming lyrics. Thomas: Yeah, lyrics that resonated with me, and made me feel... less alone. And Virgil, going to concerts made me feel like there was a place for me in society, and I really needed that at the time. Honestly, that was a time where I developed a lot of the values... I still believe in today. Patton: Plus, the music is still pretty darn cool. Virgil: Well, that goes without saying. Thomas: Hmm… I don't think I really have any other embarrassing ph- mm, "embarrassing" phases. Roman: Huzzah! And that means my beautiful costume can remain untouched. Virgil: *evil laughter* Princey, Princey, Princey... so naive. *finger snap* Logan: Ah, his... burlap sack phase? Roman: Oh, I get it! It's Vine. Roman/Thomas/Patton/Logan: *overlapping realization* Virgil: Yes, the VINE PHASE!! Roman: Wow. Virgil, I hate to say it... but this is a miserable failure on your part. The Vine phase wasn't scary. On the contrary, I'm rather proud of all the work we did. Virgil: Oh, ALL the work...? *old vine plays* Thomas: ♪ Myyyyy milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, WHOO, it's better than yours! ♪ *old vine ends* Thomas/Logan/Patton: -screaming- Roman: Put it away, put it away, put it away NOW! Thomas: It's okay! It's okay. We're on YouTube now, where we're safe from all the bad decisions. I've- I've always- I've always made things... that I can be proud of on YouTube. Roman: Thomas, don't invite something else! Virgil: Oh, Thomas... Vine may be dead, but it still haunts you like a malevolent apparition. Those were some of the earliest years in developing your voice as a creator... But no matter what you do, no matter what you try... you will never grow past it. Roman: No! Virgil: Your tombstone will read: "Here lies Thomas Sanders. Remember him? He was the Storytime Guy... on VINE!" Thomas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Patton: Why "no"? Thomas: Because...! I don't know! Patton: If people were to remember your Vines years down the line... I think that'd be pretty neat. Thomas: Oh my... god, you're awesome! Patton: Uh, Logan! Did Derekson have anything to say about this? Logan: You mean Erikson? Patton: Oh! That's right! The only sons I can keep straight are my own. Logan: -sighs- As a matter of fact, Patton, yes. The "Generativity versus Stagnation" stage does share a few notable qualities with Thomas' Vine phase. Thomas: Well, why don't you "generate" an explanation for us, Logan? Logan: Holy sh*t. Well, it has to do with one's desire to create and be involved in the community. The function of this stage is... ideally, to figuratively "make your mark" on the world, through creating or nurturing something that will outlast you. Roman: Oh my gosh, I was literally talking to you about this same thing a while ago! Me and this Erikson guy... Thomas: Wow, so wait- I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing! I was taking part in an online community and I... accidentally stumbled into making something that was bigger than me, just by doing something that I enjoyed? That's so... freaking cool! And sure, I made mistakes all the time, but, you know, I'm better now, right? Virgil: I don't know. Are you? Thomas: I don't know. Am I!? Logan: Alright, I believe I understand the intended outcome of Virgil's methodology. If you had never made that horrendously bad Vine- Patton: Okay, now you guys are just being mean. The Vines aren't that bad. *another old vine plays* Thomas: ♪ My humps, my humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely laaaaaaady lumps. OOH! ♪ *old vine ends* Patton: Gah! Roman: STOP IT! Thomas: We did not need another example. Patton: Most of them weren't that bad. Logan: Yeah. Ya boi has delivered some ill-conceived content, but that was part of his development. Similarly, if we hadn't endured those various cringe-inspiring periods of your life, then you wouldn't know the things that you know now. Thomas: Or... be the person that I am today. Virgil: Yeah, duh. It's not that I haven't changed, but when you reduce a piece of my history to just a "phase", you ignore everything that I went through. Who I was when I scared you all the time is no less real than who I am now. Past phases are the foundation of who you've become. *Everyone gets switched back to their normal Halloween costumes* Patton: Oh, here's my name tag! It says "Pawton"! Virgil: So, if you remove that foundation... Thomas: What's left standing? Patton: Huh. Thomas: Sorry if we tore you down a little bit, Virgil. Patton: A pun-infused touching moment? That is so my aesthetic! Virgil: Look, dealing with me... will never be a walk in the park, and you can't pretend that it will be. When you try to deny me, I get frustrated and I lash out. Y-You talk about how I work with you now. That's great, but... I need you to work with me, too. Thomas: You're right. You're right. I-I... I don't suppose there's anything I can do to... remedy the situation? Virgil: Eeh, don't worry about it. ...I'll get even with you. Thomas: What? What does that mean? What are you gonna do? When are you gonna do it!? Virgil: It's already done. Roman: Dear ZEUS! Logan: Dear Newton! Patton: DEEEEAAAR JOOOOHN!! Virgil: Thomas, do you remember your... FEDORA PHASE!?!? Thomas: -screams- Virgil: -laughs evilly- Patton: -faints- Virgil: Alright, now we're even. Thomas: You DON'T bring up a guy's fedora phase, Virgil! There's gotta be a LINE! Virgil: Not even if that guy belittled someone's past hardships? Thomas: Fine! I wore a fedora, or seven! It was one week! You could barely call it a phase! My head is not built for hats!! Roman: Does the fedora thing tie into the lesson in any way? Virgil: No! I just had a point to prove... I still got it. Thomas: Yeah, you certainly do. Virgil: Don't question me again, Sanders! *sinks down* Thomas: AAH! Roman: *sinks down* If he's going back to being scary, can I go back to calling him names? Thomas: No, no, you have to be nice. Logan: I'm just glad he didn't go into the girl phase. You with a girl defies all... me. Thomas: Yeah, no, it wasn't fun for anyone. Patton: Thomas... I feel kind of confused now. I always try to show Virgil love and support, but... lately... I feel like I always... inevitably... do something wrong. Thomas: Aww, Patton, I... I understand. There's a lot that Virgil could do that I don't want him to do. He knows exactly how to push my buttons. But... He is who he is. All we can do, is... try to listen to him, as best as we can... and adapt to his needs. It's not an easy thing to navigate, so we're going to run into problems... But if it's any consolation, Patton, I can see how hard you try... and I think... you're doing a really great job. Patton: -smiles as he sinks down- Thomas: Whoo! Well, my nerves are shot. Um... I guess the takeaway from this is that... Phases, although... sometimes embarrassing, aren't inherently... artificial. They're... the building blocks of the person you are now. We're constantly growing, and our experiences... shape us. Embrace where you are in your life right now. Whoever you are right this minute... You're real. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Until next time, take it easy, ghosts, ghouls and non-binary... ghouls? I don't know, I was trying something. Take it easy, guys, gals and non-binary pals! PEACE OUT! *end card* Virgil: ♪ Have yourself... a scary little Christmas... ♪ Deceit: Very well done, Virgil. You're so... evolved. Virgil: Deceit... real classy of you to sneak up on a Side in the middle of housekeeping. Deceit: Well... classy is my middle name. Seriously, it's on my birth certificate. You can look it up for proof. Virgil: Yeah, maybe- maybe in Opposite Town. Deceit: -over-the-top laughter- Deceit: Good one! Virgil: Alright, alright, you're overselling it now. Deceit: Oh, you are hilarious, Virgil! You always have been! Virgil: What are you doing here? Deceit: Hmm... a bunch of talk about Halloween, a season for dressing up and pretending to be something or someone else... You're right - a master of deception such as myself has no place in that kind of discussion. Virgil: Okay, me being able to elicit fear doesn't take away from the fact that I've grown. So don't even try me with that, Harvey Dense. Deceit: Clever retort, and condensing statement, and cool costume. Are you supposed to be Scarecrow in Joel Schumacher's canceled third Batman film? Virgil: You know this is what I normally wear. Deceit: I've never seen that outfit in my life. Stylish clothing aside, just be sure to... keep up that personal growth, Virgil. Who knows? Maybe soon... you could be rid of us all... *Deceit sinks down but comes back up* Deceit: Oh! What th- I was... totally not looking for this. Virgil: Yeah, you better run. Deceit: *Pops up again* What was that? Virgil: nOthing! get oUT! Category:Transcripts